Monday, December 6, 2010

Go away 2010

I've had enough.  This year was supposed to be the year of good things.  I was finally going to be living with my husband again after spending 3 years apart.  We were moving into a huge house with lots of room and land and places for the kids to play.  We had a new area to explore and learn about and lots of things to do.  Things were supposed to be GOOD.  But, instead, let me summarize how my year has gone.

First, when we arrived in SC, I learned that there was no chance Logan was going to get into the public preschool because the waiting list was too long.  So, we went back to him being at home with me all day again.  He was not happy about this, and I was less than thrilled.  We had gotten in a routine, and now that was messed up.  In January, my grandpa had a heart attack and had bypass surgery and spent weeks in the hospital. In March, Logan developed orbital cellulitis for the second time.  It was somewhat rare that he got it in 2008, and now we were dealing with it again.  We spent 5 days in the hospital in Charleston where he had surgery and received IV antibiotics.  In May, the lawnmower we had purchased broke, so we spent a bunch of money to fix it.  Money that came out of our vacation fund for Disney World.  In June, we went to Disney World for a week and had a blast.  Then, we spent another week and a half in Indiana seeing family.  About 3 weeks before we left, my mother informed me that we could no longer bring our dogs with us to Indiana, so we had to hope the kennel they were at while we were in DW still had openings for them.  They did, but again, this was money to come out of our vacation funds.  At the end of June we returned and Paige began speech therapy because she still wasn't (and isn't to this day) talking.  We also had to fix yet another thing on our lawnmower when we got back.  We now had no extra money, as that was spent on vacation.  Mid-July a fellow Marine and friend of Matt's died in his sleep.  This in turn caused my husband to suddenly think it is ok for him to start drinking again despite the many, many issues of our past this has caused.  In August, Matt left on a boat to float around in the Atlantic with the Marine Corps for a month.  The lawnmower broke...again...both right before he left and while he was gone.  My other grandpa passed away.  I wasn't able to go back to Indiana for the funeral because I had to be here to take care of the kids and school was starting in a few days. Both boys started school.  Derek in 4th grade and Logan in Kindergarten.  Within the first 2 weeks they both missed school due to being sick.  Within the first month, Logan's appendix burst, and we spent another 10 days in the hospital after having emergency surgery.  During this time, it was discovered his blood sugar levels were high, and we were sent home with a blood glucose monitor to keep an eye on them until we could get in with the pediatric endocrinologist.  That didn't last long.  We were home 4 days before his levels were high again and we were sent to Charleston to spend another few days in the hospital receiving diabetes education.  My 5 year old is now a Type 1 diabetic.  Back home to have one child or another getting sick almost every week from October until now.  Paige is also getting numerous hearing tests to rule out hearing loss and audio neuropathy and other things since she isn't talking.  I had Derek's and Paige's A1C's checked since Logan was diagnosed.  Both are elevated.  Derek is now checking daily.  His numbers went over 200 last week, and we made another trip to Charleston, but haven't yet been diagnosed as diabetic.  Matt is deploying to Afghanistan for 13 months at the beginning of 2011.  And, I am losing my mind....and my hair, literally.  I was also diagnosed with Alopecia Areta in July, which causes my hair to fall out in patches.  At any given time I have at least one, and sometimes more, bald spots on my head.  I'm gaining weight constantly.  My knees hurt.  My body is tired.  My mind is tired.  And, I'm depressed.

I have no time for myself.  I'm still fighting to get Logan's 504 plan in place for school.  The nurse calls me almost daily because she can't manage to figure out how to handle his diabetes.  I'm taking Paige to speech therapy twice a week, and when Logan was out of school before Thanksgiving he went with us, and the speech therapist thinks he is delayed in his speech again, so I need to get that looked into.  And, amidst all this, all my husband can worry about is his needs and his wants, with no concern at all for mine.  We fight and argue constantly because apparently I don't pay enough attention to his needs or let him sit around on his ass enough.  And, of course, we still have the drinking to contend with.  What he said would be a beer or two once in a great while is now back up to one or two, if not more, each night.